1. Ask what would make an impossible goal possible, and move a person from listening to considering–and from, "Yes…but" to "Yes!"
2. Act as if your goal is the exact opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish, shifting another person from “Nobody understands” to "You understand."
3. Facilitate an "empathy jolt" by mirroring another person’s thoughts/feelings and transitioning him/her from resisting to"willing to do" in a single step, by changing the dynamics of a relationship.
4. Ask calmly and honestly, "Do you really believe that?" and move a person who's "over the top" from resistance to listening by lowering the person's anger or fear.
5. Say, "Hmmm…." in a "tell-me-more" tone of voice, encouraging the other person to explain his/her position fully, thereby moving him/her from resisting to listening and then from listening to considering.
6. Acknowledge a glaring problem up front, and move a person from considering to “willing to do” by neutralizing your weak points.
7. Ask a transformational question that encourages another to tell you what he/she thinks and feels, and transform a relationship from impersonal to personal.
8. Join the other person in an activity and then ask questions designed to gain insight into what he/she is doing, thinking and feeling, thereby lowering his/her guard.
9. Instead of asking a direct question, offer an opportunity to fill in a blank, and move a person to “willing to do” by making him/her feel felt and understood.
10. Offer a "power thank you" by thanking the person for something specific, acknowledging the effort it took and telling him/her the difference it made to you.
Adapted from Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone by Mark Goulston ©2009 Mark Goulston ($24.95). Published by AMACOM Books, a division of the American Management Association, New York, NY. Used with permission. All rights reserved. Http://www.amacombooks.org.